I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
