We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
