dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Couch. On fire.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
