He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
