I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
