Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
