Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
