we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
