Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
