Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
