it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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