another moral hangover. fuck.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
