Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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