Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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