This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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