what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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