I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
