definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
