turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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