it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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