She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
