Just cropdusted the office
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
