if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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