just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
