She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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