JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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