So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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