even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
