The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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