a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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