I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
