It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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