I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
