she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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