my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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