i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
