There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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