i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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