at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
