ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
