I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
