How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do you still have your period?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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