thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
