Porn is love you can see.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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