I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she peed on how many people?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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