you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
