i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
