So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
