Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
