I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
