all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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