You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
