now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
