HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
